How To Regain Control In Times Of Chaos

The search for stability is never easy, and unexpected events can come along and rock the boat. But with a couple of mindset changes, it is possible to find clarity in chaos.

There is no shortage of ways the universe can disrupt a feeling of peace, from losing a family member to not being able to afford eggs at the grocery store. According to Dr. Heather Lench, professor in the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences at Texas A&M University, the strongest feelings of uncertainty come when we feel like we have control and then lose it suddenly.

Feelings of control matter when it comes to health and well-being. In one study where researchers had college students visit nursing home residents, some residents controlled the timing of the visits, some knew about the visits beforehand, some received random visits and others received no visits at all. The residents who had control of when the students visited showed the most improvement in overall health. But they also had the largest decline in health two to three years after the study ended, and this group even had a higher number of deaths.

“They had these students visiting them, they knew they could schedule when the visits would occur, and then when they lost that control, it actually hurt their mental and physical health,” Lench said. “We know from decades of psychological research that when people feel out of control, it has serious consequences.”

There are tangible ways to regain a feeling of control during chaotic times, according to Lench. And, just like any habit, practice makes perfect.

Focus On What You Can Control

Oftentimes, when feeling out of control or stressed, the most common feelings to use as coping mechanisms are fear, anger and frustration. Instead of festering in those negative emotions, Lench suggests making small decisions or changes to regain some peace of mind.

“When you start to feel that way, you can go to a different room, you can go outside or take 10 minutes and do a quick walk around the building. Any of those types of activities are often enough to break up that stress response and help you resettle into a calm state,” she said.

Lench said these actions become empowering because they allow people to feel in control again. It’s a tool widely used by health care professionals and counselors. For example, researchers found that small changes in the environment, such as providing a small plant to take care of, made a big difference in people’s mental and physical well- being.

“It’s a strong message to really focus on the activities that help us feel in control and that we enjoy and find calming,” Lench said. “If we can focus on controlling the controllable, that can help improve our mental and physical health and then we can establish our sense of control in the world.”

Spend Time On Activities That Inspire Joy

While some may believe that finding joy requires meditating quietly in solitude for hours, Lench said it’s quite the opposite. Engaging in mindful, intentional activity can include a variety of actions, like taking a walk, painting, reading, running, playing basketball and more.

“Finding those small moments of joy build up over time and creates what’s sometimes called a positive feedback loop where once you experience a little bit of joy, you seek out that next moment of joy, and over time, that can significantly improve your mental health and your well-being,” Lench said.

Lench said it’s important to reflect on which activities bring you joy and which do not — while scrolling social media for hours may be an addicting activity, it won’t always bring happiness and could contribute to the overall feeling of losing control.

“Look for activities that make you feel like you’re making a difference in the world and you enjoy the outcome. It could be putting a smile on someone’s face or improving someone’s health,” she said. “These are activities where you find your joy. Build on what you already enjoy and create that into a hobby or even a side hustle.”

Seeking out happiness is oftentimes easier said than done, especially when a lack of control leads to strong negative emotions. Just like any skill, it needs to be consistently worked on to become a habit instead of an exception.

“It’s not something that you do once and you’re done,” she said. “It is a habit that you build through the ways that you are thinking and the ways that you’re behaving in each and every moment. Intentionally building those habits and identifying the ones that you want to work on is one path towards seeking greater happiness.”